Living with breast cancer in my twenties

I forgot how long and lushes my hair used to be... I miss it. I love my short hair but I do really miss having long hair too. I had short hair for so many years and had only just grown it so it was a kick in the teeth having to cut it all off just in case it was going to fall out. I can not believe how much hair I have left though and am very lucky to still have it so should not really moan, but when I see photos of me with long thick beautiful hair, full eyebrows and lashes It does get me a little down. I did not wear make up for a few weeks when I was ill and when I put make up on for the first time I was surprised to see I did not really have any eyelashes left. I now wear fake eyelashes if I am going out anywhere special. I also have not realised how thin my eyebrows have got until I looked at some old photos. My hair has thinned a lot but still have plenty left. Its been growing, but very finely. So I am going to have it cut very short at some point. I can not wait to see how my

After being in bed for a few days last week I felt well enough to get up. On the Thursday I went into Leicester for the cancer research - race for life launch. I had photos taken and spoke to a journalist and appeared in the Leicester Mercury the next day. My sleeping pattern had been all over the place for a while and was making me feel really crap. Friday night I started to feel very unwell again. The next day I felt even worse and had to stay in bed. I was annoyed as I had arranged to see a friend I had not since since last July and it was also a beautiful day. I opened all my windows so that I could get some fresh air. It really felt like spring was on its way that day. I was gutted not to be able to enjoy it by being outside. Joe came up later that day to bring my stuff up from Brighton. I had lost my appetite completely and I know someone is wrong when that happens. Joe had brought up a my favourite pasty from Hastings which I had to eat whether I was hungry or not. I spent most

I have been lying in bed for the last three days exhausted from the last drug injection! I have never felt so exhausted. I do not feel too bad when I am laid down but if I get up and try and do anything I feel like I am going to collapse. I have a few aches and pains and started to get a sore mouth but nothing like last time. I have this weird pins and needles feeling in my legs and feet. Its not quite the same but rather fewer pins and bigger needles! I have not been sleeping too well. I spent most of Saturday drifting in and out of consciousness. I do not mind feeling tired and sleeping.. at least it passes the time away. I had been doing some drawings the day before. Its been such a long time since I sat down and drew, I was really enjoying it! I have so much time to think at the moment that I am trying to make sense of the all the stuff that happens in my life, the good and especially the bad. I have been going through an emotional roller coaster as well as a physical one. The phys

is a beautiful song amongst many others that are helping me feel very mellow after two days on steroids and today's chemo. I am surprised and very happy to be feeling calm right now.I am feeling high but in a more subdued and laid-back way. Its quite a contrast to how I was feeling last time. As much fun as I had I probably did not do myself any favours having a mad one, although its certainly on the cards for my last chemo sesh! I felt a little manic and twitchy on the steroids yesterday so I went out for tea and cake in a country cafe with my sister and two nieces. It was a beautiful sunny and frosty day and a very much needed drive out. I was scared to stay in feeling wired and someone getting the brunt of my hysteria. Going out and doing something is possibly the best thing you can do while on these maniacal pills! As soon as I got back home I started to feel a little restless. I started to knit so I had something to keep my hands occupied and managed to sit in front of the TV

The last two weeks I realised that I still had some things from the past I needed to let go off. It can be a tough lesson but as long as you realise it and finally let go and put it to rest then you can embrace the new things that come into your life. In dreams snow symbolises new beginnings. I like to think that this is the case in reality especially for me at this time. I feel like I have only just about got over the last chemo and the last but one is approaching already. Its been a really tough last week, emotionally and physically. I had felt so crap for so long that it was really getting to me and started to worry about everything from the present to the future. I really don't need to be worrying about the future right now but when your lying in bed for days bored out of your mind because you have tired of all possible things to keep you amused, which is not a lot then there seems not much else to do. I can be my worst enemy, I do my own head in! I think way too much and analy