I’m over halfway through my travels in America and after Mondays amazing day I thought I’d write a blog post about it and how far I’ve come since I’ve been away.
At the beginning of my trip In Woodstock, New York I came across on article about a photographer, Isis Charise, who was taking photos of women who’d had breast cancer. She called it the Grace Project. In honour of breast cancer awareness month, she selected some of the photos that were displayed in a gallery close by. I was so excited about this I had to go. The exhibition was very powerful and emotional. I had to meet and talk to Isis. We chatted about the project and my cancer experience and then she asked me if I wanted to be involved and I jumped at the opportunity.
So back in Woodstock after my road trips, I contacted Isis and we scheduled a photoshoot in. She had mentioned this abandoned hotel at the top of a mountain and that it would be a great place to shoot. I loved the idea of this!
It had snowed the day before and the trail was a steep and icy 2.5 miles. We took it slow and got to the hotel by which this point I was hot enough to actually want to strip! I took my top off and draped some fabric around my bottom half. I was surprisingly not that nervous and seemed to take it in my stride, (I’d surprised myself a lot on this trip.) There were people around, so we kept having to stop, tell people what we were doing and hope they’d fuck off. Some hung around and it was getting very cold, so we just went for it. Isis helped me get in the right mood for the photo by talking to me, taking me to that place of strength I’d felt since kicking cancers arse. I was worried that being so cold would show in my face and ruin the photo, but she said it was actually better as it made me more present. It was a quick shoot in two different spots, and she seemed really happy with what she got.
Isis doesn’t usually let people have a look, but she let me have a sneak peek. I was pleasantly surprised and really happy with what I saw. It’s going to be another 6 months before I’m going to see the results because she has so many photos to go through. It’s a long time to wait but totally worth it and a great surprise when it does happen. I might even be having my surgery around then too.
Isis has photographed 451 women so far and wants to capture 800. She travels around the country taking photos in beautiful settings. We agreed I would come back after my surgery and do another shoot. I look forward to that and the party and exhibition she puts on once she’s reached 800!
I’d put my surgery descion to the back of my mind since being away, but it was always there and creeps back in once in a while. I’ve swung to and fro between the options, knowing what’s best for me but not really being 100% happy with it. To go flat is obviously not something I want, but then nor was having breast cancer and having a mastectomy so I have to see this in a different light.
The photoshoot left me buzzing and again I was so proud of myself for yet another achievement. There was beginning to be a lot of this on this trip. Leaving a huge support network behind, my best friend, driving a huge van around America and camping in it on my own were just some of the things I was worried about before I arrived. From beginning to now I’ve gained a lot of confidence, balance and grounding. In fact, I just had a therapy session and she said how much I’d changed since the start of out sessions in May this year. I possibly always had the confidence and capability but had forgotten. I am now so used to doing things on my own, being on my own and being totally cool with it that I feel like I am capable of achieving anything now.
This whole trip was going to be a huge test for me. Would I miss home and certain people? Would I be OK on my own away from my friends, family especially after the summer I’d just had? Would I get home sick a lot and realise I love home more than ever and want to stop travelling as much? Was I unsettled because I was deeply unhappy or was this just the way I was? All these answers I would find out on this trip. I think deep down I knew the answer to them all anyway, but I wanted to be sure. I am not the same as a lot of people, I do love to travel, move around, meet new people, have new experiences. I never wanted the house, kids, husband and to lead a normal conventional life, yet people would tell me I was always running away and why couldn’t I settle. Ok I guess at times I was and who doesn’t try run away from their problems, but I was very aware that actually, it’s impossible to run away from yourself. I knew I was a free spirit who loved having the freedom to do what I want and not be tied down or told how I was going to live my life. I was never going to conform and that seemed to be such a struggle for me in a world that loves conformity or seems to anyway. I was never really leading a life that was completely true to myself.
That’s something I realised big time this year. I’d try lead the life I wanted but never knew how to fully do it, and always got sucked back into normal society again. Having cancer was a wake up call, and I tried to change things back then, but I had too much emotional baggage to deal with and that took a long time to sort out. I don’t think at the time I was capable of making myself happy or anything work really. It’s pretty hard to lead an unconventional life these days. I always needed money for rent, bills and all the boring stuff, and seeing as I never stuck to one thing and made a huge career for myself, I found myself just working low paid jobs and only just making it by. I was too independent to mind being co-dependent on someone else too. I decided the only way to get there was to begin by making my outgoings as low as possible. I got lucky and manifested a big cheap living space that enabled me to work and build on my business. This gave me more freedom to do what I wanted. I hated feeling trapped by things that didn’t bring me joy. I’m not a materialistic person which I consider lucky, so I was already making my life cheaper. I still managed to make myself feel trapped in the end and I was still slogging my guts out as a waitress to be able to go on my USA trips. Even though that seemed worth it, it had to end as it took a massive toll on my knees.
The day I decided enough was enough and that this was all bullshit, I finally decided to go have a crack at achieving my biggest dream. This has now been my driving force to also really sort myself out, mentally and physically as well as a new career and chapter in life. I’ve been working really hard on myself and I feel it’s really starting to pay off. My attitude to life has changed completely, and with my newfound confidence I don’t see how things can’t just keep getting better from now on. This trip was more than just a break from my situation back home, I knew this trip was huge for me in more ways than one. It will be strange coming back home in a month’s time, but I feel I will return with a more positive attitude and ready to take on the world and whatever it throws at me. I’m obviously still not there yet and possibly have a fair way to go, but the hard work has been put in now and I’ve been very patient, so I’m positive that in 2020 things will start speeding up, and I will finally be able to reap the rewards I’ve sown.
I have absolutely loved this trip so far, even some of the lows have turned out to be OK and taught me something. Road tripping is something I feel I could do forever. I've met so many amazing people and made friends with some of them, seen beautiful and stunning landscapes and stayed in some fantastic places. I have even got my cat fix by pet sitting. I have loved vlogging on instagram (something I never thought I'd do), taking photos, posting them and journaling my trip online. I decided to start my travel blog when I get home because theres so much to do and I don't want to rush it. So to keep up to date with my travels you can follow me on facebook or instagram at Forest_elf_travels.
At the beginning of my trip In Woodstock, New York I came across on article about a photographer, Isis Charise, who was taking photos of women who’d had breast cancer. She called it the Grace Project. In honour of breast cancer awareness month, she selected some of the photos that were displayed in a gallery close by. I was so excited about this I had to go. The exhibition was very powerful and emotional. I had to meet and talk to Isis. We chatted about the project and my cancer experience and then she asked me if I wanted to be involved and I jumped at the opportunity.
So back in Woodstock after my road trips, I contacted Isis and we scheduled a photoshoot in. She had mentioned this abandoned hotel at the top of a mountain and that it would be a great place to shoot. I loved the idea of this!
It had snowed the day before and the trail was a steep and icy 2.5 miles. We took it slow and got to the hotel by which this point I was hot enough to actually want to strip! I took my top off and draped some fabric around my bottom half. I was surprisingly not that nervous and seemed to take it in my stride, (I’d surprised myself a lot on this trip.) There were people around, so we kept having to stop, tell people what we were doing and hope they’d fuck off. Some hung around and it was getting very cold, so we just went for it. Isis helped me get in the right mood for the photo by talking to me, taking me to that place of strength I’d felt since kicking cancers arse. I was worried that being so cold would show in my face and ruin the photo, but she said it was actually better as it made me more present. It was a quick shoot in two different spots, and she seemed really happy with what she got.
Isis doesn’t usually let people have a look, but she let me have a sneak peek. I was pleasantly surprised and really happy with what I saw. It’s going to be another 6 months before I’m going to see the results because she has so many photos to go through. It’s a long time to wait but totally worth it and a great surprise when it does happen. I might even be having my surgery around then too.
Isis has photographed 451 women so far and wants to capture 800. She travels around the country taking photos in beautiful settings. We agreed I would come back after my surgery and do another shoot. I look forward to that and the party and exhibition she puts on once she’s reached 800!
I’d put my surgery descion to the back of my mind since being away, but it was always there and creeps back in once in a while. I’ve swung to and fro between the options, knowing what’s best for me but not really being 100% happy with it. To go flat is obviously not something I want, but then nor was having breast cancer and having a mastectomy so I have to see this in a different light.
The photoshoot left me buzzing and again I was so proud of myself for yet another achievement. There was beginning to be a lot of this on this trip. Leaving a huge support network behind, my best friend, driving a huge van around America and camping in it on my own were just some of the things I was worried about before I arrived. From beginning to now I’ve gained a lot of confidence, balance and grounding. In fact, I just had a therapy session and she said how much I’d changed since the start of out sessions in May this year. I possibly always had the confidence and capability but had forgotten. I am now so used to doing things on my own, being on my own and being totally cool with it that I feel like I am capable of achieving anything now.
This whole trip was going to be a huge test for me. Would I miss home and certain people? Would I be OK on my own away from my friends, family especially after the summer I’d just had? Would I get home sick a lot and realise I love home more than ever and want to stop travelling as much? Was I unsettled because I was deeply unhappy or was this just the way I was? All these answers I would find out on this trip. I think deep down I knew the answer to them all anyway, but I wanted to be sure. I am not the same as a lot of people, I do love to travel, move around, meet new people, have new experiences. I never wanted the house, kids, husband and to lead a normal conventional life, yet people would tell me I was always running away and why couldn’t I settle. Ok I guess at times I was and who doesn’t try run away from their problems, but I was very aware that actually, it’s impossible to run away from yourself. I knew I was a free spirit who loved having the freedom to do what I want and not be tied down or told how I was going to live my life. I was never going to conform and that seemed to be such a struggle for me in a world that loves conformity or seems to anyway. I was never really leading a life that was completely true to myself.
That’s something I realised big time this year. I’d try lead the life I wanted but never knew how to fully do it, and always got sucked back into normal society again. Having cancer was a wake up call, and I tried to change things back then, but I had too much emotional baggage to deal with and that took a long time to sort out. I don’t think at the time I was capable of making myself happy or anything work really. It’s pretty hard to lead an unconventional life these days. I always needed money for rent, bills and all the boring stuff, and seeing as I never stuck to one thing and made a huge career for myself, I found myself just working low paid jobs and only just making it by. I was too independent to mind being co-dependent on someone else too. I decided the only way to get there was to begin by making my outgoings as low as possible. I got lucky and manifested a big cheap living space that enabled me to work and build on my business. This gave me more freedom to do what I wanted. I hated feeling trapped by things that didn’t bring me joy. I’m not a materialistic person which I consider lucky, so I was already making my life cheaper. I still managed to make myself feel trapped in the end and I was still slogging my guts out as a waitress to be able to go on my USA trips. Even though that seemed worth it, it had to end as it took a massive toll on my knees.
The day I decided enough was enough and that this was all bullshit, I finally decided to go have a crack at achieving my biggest dream. This has now been my driving force to also really sort myself out, mentally and physically as well as a new career and chapter in life. I’ve been working really hard on myself and I feel it’s really starting to pay off. My attitude to life has changed completely, and with my newfound confidence I don’t see how things can’t just keep getting better from now on. This trip was more than just a break from my situation back home, I knew this trip was huge for me in more ways than one. It will be strange coming back home in a month’s time, but I feel I will return with a more positive attitude and ready to take on the world and whatever it throws at me. I’m obviously still not there yet and possibly have a fair way to go, but the hard work has been put in now and I’ve been very patient, so I’m positive that in 2020 things will start speeding up, and I will finally be able to reap the rewards I’ve sown.
I have absolutely loved this trip so far, even some of the lows have turned out to be OK and taught me something. Road tripping is something I feel I could do forever. I've met so many amazing people and made friends with some of them, seen beautiful and stunning landscapes and stayed in some fantastic places. I have even got my cat fix by pet sitting. I have loved vlogging on instagram (something I never thought I'd do), taking photos, posting them and journaling my trip online. I decided to start my travel blog when I get home because theres so much to do and I don't want to rush it. So to keep up to date with my travels you can follow me on facebook or instagram at Forest_elf_travels.
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