Thursday, 29 January 2009
I soon came down after the high I was on from the steroids and knew the next few days were going to be rough. I knew going on my folks narrow boat for a few days would be a good idea. The oncologist said my blood count would be at its lowest so I wanted to stay away from most people in case of infections. It was to be a busy weekend with my younger sisters popping down too so I saw everyone in dribs and drabs over the weekend.
I had my interview on the Friday morning. Not feeling very awake or prepared I did my best. I felt a little nervous as have never had an interview before and tend not to be too hot at speaking. I Umm and aahh and say 'you know' a lot. I never really seem to be able to say what I want and get mental blocks! I was not too sure that I would come across well or that my point was even going to come across as much as I wanted. It was done and any publicity is good! As long as more people are finding out my blog the better. It was now time to get away!
Being on the boat is THE best way to get away from it all. Its a different world on the canals. I love hearing the ducks quack, it sounds like they are laughing. You get big beautiful swans swimming by too, can be a bit scary if you have your head sticking out the hatch though, they may look beautiful but they sure are vicious creatures. It was wonderful having my own little space to chill out while feeling my worst. I don't tend to like being around a lot of people when I'm ill and would rather hide away and get on with it in my own way.
Fortunately it was not too cold and the boat stayed very warm and toasty with the log burner going. I stocked up with plenty of food, DVDs, music and even some vino! I was starting to feel all the aches and pains I was expecting to get and worst of all the depression. Feeling depressed for no reason and not really being able to snap out of it can be hell. I tend to get it on the third or forth day without fail.
There was something even more horrible I was to experience though and something that I have been lucky enough to avoid so far... mouth thrush. Just the sound of it sounds absolutely vile! When I had heard that this was a common side effect I thought how awful and disgusting and prayed I was not going to get it. The TAX chemo really is a hard hitter on your system and I guess it was inevitable I was not going to get away with this one.
I am not entirely sure I suffered with the full extent of mouth thrush but it certainly was not pleasant. The first thing I noticed was when I ate I felt like I was swallowing razor blades. My tongue and the sides of my mouth then became very rough, felt coated and my whole mouth was in pain. All I wanted to eat was mush. Ice cream was pure bliss to eat and I hear frozen fruit is good for it too. Brushing my teeth was hard on my gums which bled so had to be really careful not to brush too hard. I have not been to the dentist in years, something I really should have done before the chemo.
I found it really hard to sleep with aching bones and a sore and dry mouth so did not get much sleep. By Tuesday I felt like an absolute mess!! I sat at the dinner table with my food in front of me and just cried into it. I could not hack feeling like this. I do not know what is worse to be honest, that or the sickness. I think I can honestly say both are as bad as each other. My mum and sister tried to help me feel better but its not easy and there really is not much anyone can do. They must feel so helpless at times. They do all they can, everyone does.
The Oncologist warned me that this one should hit be the worst out of the next three so I am hoping that is the case.
I slept in till nearly lunch time which is what I needed. I did feel better yesterday but had a couple of hot flushes. I was not quite sure why and wondered if this was the start of an early menopause perhaps. I have been lucky enough to still have kept my fertility but it may go now while on the TAX.
I went to see my best friend, Paolo and had a fantastic day with him catching up. He helped me make sense of a lot of stuff that is going on in my life by interpreting dreams and talking about lots of crazy far out things. It was a very insightful day to say the least. I came home feeling good but started to experience some sharp shooting pains going up the bottom of my back which really make you jolt. I could get to sleep till three in the morn because I had laid in so long that day.
I woke up feeling like complete and utter shit this morning! So I decided to stay in bed all day. Sometimes its just what your body needs. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. My sister is moving into her new house across the road and want to help her so I can occupy my mind!!
To listen to my radio interview go onto the link below where I also have a page on the BBC radio Leicester website.