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From tired and annoyed to restless and high!

It was an early start yesterday for the chemo. I had to pick up my wig before,which I am pleased with and can't wait for Jen to style! It is now hanging on the post at the end of my bed scaring everyone that comes in thinking there is someone there! Very amusing!

Mum and I arrived at the chemo suite (suite! Ha, what a joke!) I was told I need to get my bloods done again as the blood count was low the day before. I was a little worried it was because I had over done it the previous week but don't think its uncommon at this stage for my bloods to be low. I prayed they would be OK.

We waited a while to see the oncologist who told me that they were fine and then proceeded to tell me about what to expect with the TAX chemo. I was pleased to hear that sickness may no to be a problem and that it was more tiredness and achy bones. I was also pleased to hear that he was going to give me an injection to boost my white blood cells. He told me that this chemo session may take its toll a lot more then the next two and that my blood count will be at its lowest on the third day. Other side effects are bad skin, nails and the dreaded all over body alopecia. I know about the hair loss obviously but when someone reminds you of it it makes it seem so real again. It has not sunk in that it is going to happen.

We had arrived at 9.15 and didn't get in till 2.15. I had been getting extremely impatient and annoyed that no one was telling me why I was having to wait so long. I was one of the first there and the last to go in. I asked what the delay was and they told me it was because the chemo machine was playing up and not able to make up the drug. I was very tired from the night before, only having about two hours sleep from the steroids so found it hard to even pass the time away with reading. You wish they could tell you they would be a few hours so you could go off elsewhere as it is not a place anyone would enjoy hanging around in.

When I got called in my mum came with me. luckily I got a chair right at the end so there was more then enough room for my mum to sit next to me. First was the cold cap. I had been debating whether to have it or not as it delays the process and hate having it on. Its not as easy as the one I had in Brighton, at a freezing minus 25 degrees! having it changed four times is not pleasant at all. It gave me such a bad headache each time and even made me feel sick. The nurse said it had to be worth it though as I was doing so well with still a good head of hair.

Mum kept bringing me cups of tea and hot chocolate to try and warm me up! I had a cannula stuck in my hand which was not that bad at all and was so pleased that I had decided not to have a hickman line just for the sake of a few needles. The TAX drug doesn't irritate the veins like the FEC does either. The nurse went a bit over the top at sticking it all down and came out in a rash from my extreme sensitive skin!

The nurse was lovely and made me and mum laugh. She was very helpful in telling me lots of details about stuff I wanted to know. She said I was taking the steroids in case of an allergic reaction to the TAX. She told me at any time I could feel very sick or short of breath and to immediately tell them and they would take me off it. Seemed a little scary but I was OK.

Mum and I played some scrabble to pass the time away. She kept insisting she was helping me win but I know that I was winning fair and square as have previously thrashed her at it before! Hehe!

I could not bear each time I had to have a new cold cap on and could so have easily give up on it but I had to be brave as it is worth keeping my hair for that bit longer!!

I felt sick all day which I think was just because of where I was and the reason I there. I was so glad when it was all over!! dad picked us up and we went home, feeling a bit sick I took some anti sickness pills. I tried to sit in front of the TV but got restless instantly and could not sit still from twitching. I realised that I was becoming quiet high from all the steroids I had been taking and there was no I was going to be able to stay at home. I tried to have a bath to try and relax me but I was like a kid in a bath splashing about!

I got out of the bath put some loud music on and got ready. I felt like I could have gone out partying to an all night rave, I was whizzing my t*ts off!! I rang a friend and asked If I could go round theirs for the night. It was the only way I was not going to be climbing the walls. I drove over, music full blast singing like a nutter to music I would normally never dream of listening too!
I was feeling good and so happy that I was not feeling sick. It felt like some one had given me a class A drug rather then poisoning me.

I arrived and we played music until five in the morning! It was a great night and just what I needed! I would say I feel a little worse for wear today though and very spaced out. My mum cancelled my interview for tomorrow instead as there was no way my head was able to cope with a load of questions so early on in the morning.

I have only taken two steroids today as I need some sleep! My oncologist said I didn't have to take them after if I was feeling OK which was a relieve.

I am hoping i don't feel too bad for the next few days. Already I am feeling an enormous amount better then the last lot of chemo. I do not think I could have coped with that awful experience again. I can deal with a few aches and pains and have the painkillers on hand! I will take it easy this weekend and have a relaxing time on the narrow boat.

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Comments

Anonymous said…
Em - Just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you and your journey right now. I keep you in my prayers and your blogs are very informative! You are very normal and going through all of the feelings and thoughts that I did and I am sure those that had chemo prior to myself! Aren't Mom's just wonderful?!? Hot tea and hot cocoa sounds nice right now to me! Take care, keep a happy thought and know that you are loved. Pat
MAIA said…
Hey I finally got a gmail account! Where did you find that rave girl picture I love it!!! Were u a raver like me? I can't remember.
I'm glad you had a fun night babe, and that you are in a good mood..... just wanted to say hi and keep on keeping on. I LOVE U. PS: where's the wig picture??
mai xoxo
Anonymous said…
Hi Em, Chris and I listened to your interview on the
radio yesterday and we both felt so proud of you.
We were quite choked and Chris even told me that he had to go into work with watery eyes!
Love you so much,
brave, serene and ever beautiful
xxxxx

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