Expecting to fly.....

is a beautiful song amongst many others that are helping me feel very mellow after two days on steroids and today's chemo. I am surprised and very happy to be feeling calm right now.I am feeling high but in a more subdued and laid-back way. Its quite a contrast to how I was feeling last time. As much fun as I had I probably did not do myself any favours having a mad one, although its certainly on the cards for my last chemo sesh!

I felt a little manic and twitchy on the steroids yesterday so I went out for tea and cake in a country cafe with my sister and two nieces. It was a beautiful sunny and frosty day and a very much needed drive out. I was scared to stay in feeling wired and someone getting the brunt of my hysteria. Going out and doing something is possibly the best thing you can do while on these maniacal pills! As soon as I got back home I started to feel a little restless. I started to knit so I had something to keep my hands occupied and managed to sit in front of the TV without getting up and climbing the walls.

I got to sleep earlier then I had the previous time but woke up feeling I'd barely slept a wink. It was an early morning, for me anyway and not something you are ecstatic about rising early for either. I had to get my bloods done at the hospital as did not arrange for a nurse to come out in time the day before so I knew that there would be some waiting around again.

I had woken up in a bit of a bad mood and it took reading some spiritual books to snap me out of it and I started to feel happier and calmer. I saw a different oncologist, a lovely lady who was extremely helpful. She told my my bloods were fine apart from being a little anemic. She prescribed me some iron tablets and some mouth wash just in case I got a sore mouth again. I feel a little more prepared for the next few days now and hopefully won't suffer anywhere as near as bad as I did last time.

It was a little while until I got to have my chemo and I was feeling surprisingly patient. I guess I was expecting it this time and reading books and a bit of knitting helped pass the time away. It was great not to feel sick this time too, I think it being the first TAX chemo last time and not really knowing what to expect made me feel anxious and a little nauseous. The only thing I was dreading was the cold cap.

The time arrived, the ice cap went on and gave me the ice cream headache. This time the nurse gave me some pain killers, but guaranteed every time it was changed I was in pain. We did not have scrabble to occupy ourselves this time so some old hospital mags had to do. Only managing to look at the pictures, reading was too painful behind the eyeballs!

The nurse was impressed with how much hair I still have left and said I was likely to keep most of it now. Having thick hair and cut really short will have helped a lot. Its defiantly thinner but I do not think you could tell I have been losing it. I have lost a few eyelashes which are looking quite scraggly with mascara on but I am loving not having to shave! I guess the only down side is I will not get the curly hair I have always dreamt of. I said to mum "Shall I not use the cool cap for the last chemo, lose my hair so that it'll come back curly?" I think you can guess what she replied to that?

Time was up! Yes! There was no way I was going home so we suggested we went out for dinner and went to the flicks. I wolfed down a pizza and then we went so see a a great film even if slightly sad and left mum and I blubbing at the end. 7 pounds with Will Smith, defiantly worth a watch. The film left me feeling very tranquil. It was set in California and he lived in a beautiful beach house on the west coast. Now I could picture myself somewhere like that in few years time! I had been reading a book my American friend sent me on creative visualisation... now this is something I am going to be visualising!!

Only one more chemo to go!!!!!!!!!

We arrived back home and I put on some mellow tunes to keep me in that tranquil state I was in. It worked! I still feel very imperturbable and enjoying it! I have just had a mug of hot milk and laid back and day dreamt for a while and then thought it would be perfect to write a new post while I am feeling so very serene and buoyant. It does not happen often! Feels great to write such a positive post!

Out of the darkness and into the light, lets hope it lasts!

These photos were taken in New Zealand. Lying in some long grass with the sun beating down on my face is where I would like to be right now.

I dreamt of the most vividly bright and colorful rainbow the other night. I went to touch it and it started to bend and warp. A rainbow in a dream predicts the end of all your troubles followed by great happiness. Other interpretations include a blessing, new hope, emerging triumphantly from a difficult period. A divine symbol representing balance and harmony.

Sounds good to me!