An exciting new chapter in my life is about to begin. But first I will start from where I left off. Since I last wrote back in October, I’ve been concentrating on my health and my business. I’ve been resting my knees, had lots of acupuncture, given up binge drinking, and worked hard on building up my online vintage clothing business.
Autumn last year was the most beautiful I can ever remember. The weather was perfect - blue skies and lovely warm temperatures. The colours of the trees were so vivid, so many shades of oranges and reds, all popping out like I’d never seen before. I didn’t do much walking to begin with, but I did venture out to explore different parts of East Sussex and Kent. I always seemed to discover places that reminded me of North West America. (America was so much on my mind, I’d come across these places like they were manifestations). Even friends thought I was back over there after posting photos on Instagram.
This time of year had always been my favourite. It makes me so nostalgic, and has more of a magical feel in the air than any other season. I’m a huge fan of Halloween, bonfire night and those cosy nights in with a roaring fire and a classic movie. For some reason autumn also makes feel me nostalgic for the time when I was growing up in the 80’s. I think it’s because all the great classic 80’s movies that were filmed in Autumn, including horrors, which I started to watch from quite a young age. This must be where my obsession with America comes from.
For the first time in a while I felt happy again. I mean it’s pretty hard for me to not be happy in Autumn, but I felt like I was truly living in the present, something I was never too good at. It was great to feel content where I was, without that desperate feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. Despite my osteoarthritis I was a lot more optimistic about the future again and stopped feeling anxious, as I had been all summer.
A couple of days before Christmas, the contributing editor of Fabulous Daily, part of The Sun's online magazine, contacted me and asked if she could feature my ‘Save The Tatas’ breast cancer T-shirt. I was overjoyed and of course I agreed. This then forced me to build myself a website for my business in just two days - as the feature was going live on Boxing Day! Christmas with the family was great and I had a sober(ish) New Year. I didn’t want to start 2019 with a raging hangover as this year was going to be about better health.
So in the new year I concentrated on my business, Forest Elf Vintage, especially now that I was selling more than I’d ever anticipated. It felt great earning money from my own little venture. It was just about enough to live off but not to save for any future trips away. I was proud of myself though. However, I found myself behind a computer screen or my phone way more than I liked. I was listing items on Etsy, eBay, FB, Depop and my website and then there was all the promoting on Instagram and Pinterest. I’d never experienced this before as all my past jobs had been more sociable and I'd always preferred having a physical shop, but I knew online was the better way to make money. I was suddenly very isolated from the outside world. I’d go to the post office with my parcels and end up chatting to strangers and chewing anybody’s ear off that I got into a conversation with. It wasn’t so bad to begin with, after all it was winter and I loved hibernating with my cat Yoko and a fire! Over the winter months a relationship naturally started to develop with a friend of mine (who I’d actually tried pushing away ever since we met two years ago). So hibernating was even easier with someone else to chill with. But it wasn’t too long until I started to feel very dissatisfied.
As the weeks went on and I was still only working on my business and having no other job, I was starting to feel quite fed up. Slightly depressed even and then very anxious about my future. I was starting to feel lost, and unsure whether this was what really I wanted to do after all. I was feeling very ungrateful. After all, I was living in a lovely house, my business was doing well and I was with a very kind and caring guy. ‘What’s wrong with me?!’ I’d say to myself. I felt terrible and convinced myself I still had major issues. Was it my past still affecting me and making me unhappy? One week was so bad, all I wanted to do was sleep so I didn’t have to think about it.
To an outsider nothing appeared to be wrong. My life had been so so much worse then this and I couldn’t bare feeling this way. My inner chat was getting out of control, too many thoughts, all driving me slightly mad. I couldn’t motivate myself to work and I seemed to lose interest in my business. My flight or fight mode kicked in and I wanted to travel again. Not a short trip this time but a very long one. My partner is quite different to me, he was far more settled, he had a good job, owned a house and was content with what he had. It must sound crazy to some people, wanting to leave what must have seemed a great home life, but even though it was a comfortable life, it was somehow also making me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve never had a relationship with a guy who’s been so respectful of me and considerate, he’s been the perfect partner in many ways. However, I was starting to feel anxious about my future, trapped and even suffocated! I felt I had no choice but to start seeing a psychotherapist. I was worried my past was still affecting my life, even though I thought I’d moved on. There was still something not quite right though and I needed some clarity.
Unbeknown to me, the universe delivered (as it always does), from an entirely different and unexpected place, and gave me the clarity I so desperately needed. Even on the auspicious week of the Scorpio full moon...
A while back I’d planned a trip to the border of Wales and Herefordshire. I moved it a week forward after seeing the weather was going be better that week. I cancelled all my work plans and Rob and I headed off. I’d found an amazing place to stay in Brilley, near the river Wye. In the grounds of a beautiful late 19th century Inn, was a wooden cabin. Daphne the lady who owned it had created many beautiful cosy sustainable living spaces - mainly out of wood, corrugated iron, recycled windows and any other useful random items she lay her hands on. When I arrived I felt an immediate sense of elation and all my worries suddenly disappeared. I instantly fell in love with the place.
The cabin I had chosen was called The Rising Sun. It had beautiful views overlooking the Brecon Beacon mountains. The structure was built from wood and recycled windows. Outside there was a veranda, shower, toilet and best of all - a bath, underneath an oak tree. Inside was small and cosy, with a four poster bed, wood burner and a small gas hob. I was in absolute heaven. Chores that were dull and mundane back home, had became absolute pleasures within this more natural, simple way of living. I suddenly loved cooking again and I could have washed in the outdoor bath and shower for hours. I’d wake up with a huge smile on my face, excited to make some coffee on the gas hob and sit on the veranda looking out to the beautiful lush, hilly green Welsh countryside. After exploring the surrounding area, a soak in the bath out on the deck was the best feeling. I’d lay in it looking up at the old giant Oak tree (one of my favourite trees), and feel a huge sense of relief and even euphoria. I REALLY needed this I thought. I was being replenished and rejuvenated. Nature has always been the best therapy in my opinion. I realised I needed to reconnect to nature way more then I was. I knew that after this trip something would have to change though. The odd trip away was never enough and I couldn’t go back to my normal, conventional life back in St Leonards. I wasn't sure how to change things and be happy again though.
On the forth day we took a hike around Mortimer Forest, about 50 minutes away from Brilley. My knees still weren’t great but I could manage a few miles, and just put up with a little pain after. The forest was mainly Pine, and they were my favourite woods to walk in. I like to feel small in nature. The towering fir trees certainly gave you that feeling of being insignificant and in awe of nature's beauty. As we were walking round, breathing in the fresh pine air and looking up at the giant firs, I remembered my days as a wildlife photography student.
After quitting a normal commercial photography degree in the first year as it wasn’t suited to me, I was excited to find that Lancashire University had a Wildlife photography degree course. It was the only one in Europe and so I applied despite not having high hopes of getting in. I only had my A Level work and some snaps from my trip to Australia and Canada. It was a small course, so I really wasn’t expecting to be accepted, but to my amazement I got a place. This was a dream for me. I’d collect lots of National Geographic magazines, dreaming about having my photographs featured one day. As a young child I was always watching wildlife programmes and playing in nature. I was such a huge animal lover. I remember finding a dead bird and burying it, or crying if I saw any living thing even as small as a butterfly die. My younger sister would kill insects so I used to throw worms at her for being mean!
I started the course and absolutely loved it. I was good at it too. I honestly didn’t think I was good at much. Being diagnosed with dyslexia at primary school, and not having it explained to me properly, meant I just thought I was thick. School didn’t help much either and I was labelled as stupid for being slower at learning then the other kids. I had to work extra hard at high school to get good GCSE grades, and so was bloody proud of myself after all my hard work and good results. Unfortunately the ‘thicko’ label stuck with me ever since, and I've never been able to shake it off. It wasn’t until I had another dyslexic test at Uni that I realised most creative people were dyslexic yet highly intelligent. My first year on the course was a breeze and I was acing most of my projects. The second year wasn’t too bad either, until I went to get my project grade back and saw my A mark had been crossed out and changed to a B. I asked my lecturer why this was, and he said my writing had let me down. I was gutted to say the least. I’d never been great at descriptive writing. My eyes started to well up and I explained how much this had upset me, and why I loved art so much because it was a way of expressing myself through pictures rather then words. It didn’t matter though. It was part of the course and I was going to have to be marked on my writing. I ended up quitting at the end of my second year, something I now regret. I didn’t know how I was going to write a 15000 word dissertation. I never had any confidence in my work, despite my good marks, and presumed I’d fail at being a wildlife photographer anyway so I might as well quit and try get a normal job.
So, back to the walk in the woods. It helped to remember I was once good at photography, and I also realised how much I now love to write. Despite thinking I was bad at writing it I'd always been doing it. When my sisters and I were kids, Mum used to make us write holiday diaries and I’ve carried on writing travel journals as an adult. I was always writing letters too. I actually communicate better in writing, and often wrote emails to boyfriends to explain my feelings because I was so bad expressing myself verbally. I’d never say I was amazing at it, I certainly couldn’t write a novel, but I can string a few words together and write passionately about what I love.
It was obvious thinking about it now.
I have a passion for nature, photography and writing, I'm an unconventional kind of person - a nomad who loves to travel and discover new places, people and experiences. Hmmm, what could i possibly do with my life that would make me happy? Cue light bulb moment! Be a travel writer and photographer! A job and a way of life that lets me do all the things I love, and while doing it, help others find some happiness too. I never thought I could crystallize all my passions into one dream job! Funnily enough I’d just posted photos of where I’d been staying on social media and written a little about it. I received so many likes and comments and even managed to get Daphnes a few bookings!
It had been the most wonderful short trip and I had got so much out of it. I’d reconnected with nature and realised the dream job I should pursue. It was sad leaving Daphne and her wonderful, natural paradise. I said goodbye and told her how much the trip had helped me - we were both a little teary! On the way home we drove to Symonds Yat and saw more stunning scenery. I started to feel anxious again. Even though I’d figured out what I wanted to do I realised that I needed to go do this on my own and leave my current life behind. I was so scared to have to explain this to Rob, not because I didn’t think he’d understand but because he was the first guy to really treat me well and with respect. He really believed in me, supported and helped me with anything I wanted to do. It seemed total madness to give him and my life back home up. My gut, heart and head were torn! But it wasn’t making me happy and I needed to be true to myself. I’d always struggled leading a conventional life and was never settled because of this. People would tell me I was running away from my problems and some of the time this may have been true, but I am a natural born nomad who needs to experience new things, meet new people, and explore new lands. I’d let myself slip back into normal society, somewhere I’ve never really felt like I belonged. But it was easier to do this and be unhappy than be brave and go for my dreams. Maybe I was scared of failing or maybe I just didn’t know how to make travel my life, and earn money from it.
The weekend I got back home I was still anxious, despite being so happy about my revelation. I felt so sad to be away from the wonderful place we had just been. A feeling I often felt after a trip away - people would say "Aww, its just the holidays blues. It will pass", but it never really did. I had to tell Rob how I was feeling. I felt such a bad person for telling someone who gave me everything, that it didn’t make me happy and that I didn’t want it anymore. I told him and his face just dropped. I could see this was a total surprise to him. He did however, understand. He knew me so well and knew the best thing to do was to set me free, (as cliche as that sounds). He was the first guy that helped me crack the tough exterior I’d build up over the years and my old layers from the past were finally starting to peel away. He got to see me for who I really was and the vulnerable person that was underneath all that armour. We both cried, and spent some time alone and then talked again. He said he completely understood and wanted to support me because he knew how much this meant to me and my happiness was the most important thing of all. I felt so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. Despite still feeling awful about my decision, I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders - I was very excited about my future again.
Since all this happened only a week ago, so much has already happened. My best mate Leon gave me a travel writer’s contact that he knew, so I sent her an email asking for her advice. She was so lovely and helpful, encouraging me to do what I love, she even gave me a travel news piece to write about that would be published on her website Globetrender. I couldn’t believe it, and was so excited to have my first ever written travel article published!! I was very nervous about writing it and kept putting it off at first. I didn't have long to write it so I had to just bite the bullet, write it and send it off. You can read it in the wellness section, www.globetrender.com
Journalistic travel writing isn’t really what I want to get into, or at least I don’t think so. I want to be an inspirational travel writer with the angle of well being and connecting to nature and write about places like Brilley Inn. Sustainable homes out in the wild, rather than city breaks and hotels. I’ve a few more ideas up my sleeve too but you’ll just have to follow my new travel blog to find out. Canopy and stars saw my photos on Instagram too and asked to use them and they are just the type of company Id like to write for. After having cancer I am a lot more health conscious and aware of not having too much unnecessary stress in my life. I think more and more of us are wanting a quieter, simpler life, especially with the pressures we have today from work, family, everyday life and even social media. A lot of us live through Instagram and Facebook - comparing ourselves and our lives with one another. I for one know it gets too much for me, add having an online vintage business, it becomes impossible to switch off. I don’t want to be one of these typical new Instagram influencer/travel bloggers you see though. You won’t see me looking picture perfect in front of hyper-real photoshopped temple or mountain, (maybe just a terrible selfie or the back of my head). The beauty of nature isn't in the perfect placement or over editing. I’ve always preferred to be behind the camera rather than in front. Even though I’ve done a little bit of modelling in the past, I've never been that comfortable with it or the focus on of how I look. I’m just another awkward shy human being who would rather be known for doing some good with what talents she may have.
Every part of me is telling me this is what I should be doing now. My gut, heart and now head are all conjoined. I guess my journey begins now, starting with a travel blog. My new blog will include more then just travel and where I've stayed. The well being theme and journey to happiness is important to me and so this will also be incorporated into it.
So here I end my cancer blog, and think its a great place to end it too. Its been nearly 11 years since my breast cancer diagnosis and I'm still cancer free. I believe with all my being that I will never get cancer again and will remain a healthy person, as long as I keep a balanced lifestyle. I still think my cancer was brought on by the emotional stresses and traumas that I didn't talk about and buried deep down, which then created an acidic environment in my body. Pile on top the bad vegetarian diet, alcohol and possibly even the Pill for 11 years, then my body had the perfect environment for cancer to thrive. I will try and lead more of a balanced life now in everything that I do (even though I do struggle with this at times). Stress is the biggest killer of all and although completely unavoidable it is avoidable to a certain degree. Its your life after all, and its up to you how you choose to live it.
To carry on following my journey in life then please go to forestelftravels.com where you can follow me.
Im asking very kindly for any help people can give towards helping me realise my dream
https://www.gofundme.com/travel-writing-career-dream&rcid=r01-15593183982-3433d3c8b8964032&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w
Autumn last year was the most beautiful I can ever remember. The weather was perfect - blue skies and lovely warm temperatures. The colours of the trees were so vivid, so many shades of oranges and reds, all popping out like I’d never seen before. I didn’t do much walking to begin with, but I did venture out to explore different parts of East Sussex and Kent. I always seemed to discover places that reminded me of North West America. (America was so much on my mind, I’d come across these places like they were manifestations). Even friends thought I was back over there after posting photos on Instagram.
This time of year had always been my favourite. It makes me so nostalgic, and has more of a magical feel in the air than any other season. I’m a huge fan of Halloween, bonfire night and those cosy nights in with a roaring fire and a classic movie. For some reason autumn also makes feel me nostalgic for the time when I was growing up in the 80’s. I think it’s because all the great classic 80’s movies that were filmed in Autumn, including horrors, which I started to watch from quite a young age. This must be where my obsession with America comes from.
For the first time in a while I felt happy again. I mean it’s pretty hard for me to not be happy in Autumn, but I felt like I was truly living in the present, something I was never too good at. It was great to feel content where I was, without that desperate feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. Despite my osteoarthritis I was a lot more optimistic about the future again and stopped feeling anxious, as I had been all summer.
A couple of days before Christmas, the contributing editor of Fabulous Daily, part of The Sun's online magazine, contacted me and asked if she could feature my ‘Save The Tatas’ breast cancer T-shirt. I was overjoyed and of course I agreed. This then forced me to build myself a website for my business in just two days - as the feature was going live on Boxing Day! Christmas with the family was great and I had a sober(ish) New Year. I didn’t want to start 2019 with a raging hangover as this year was going to be about better health.
So in the new year I concentrated on my business, Forest Elf Vintage, especially now that I was selling more than I’d ever anticipated. It felt great earning money from my own little venture. It was just about enough to live off but not to save for any future trips away. I was proud of myself though. However, I found myself behind a computer screen or my phone way more than I liked. I was listing items on Etsy, eBay, FB, Depop and my website and then there was all the promoting on Instagram and Pinterest. I’d never experienced this before as all my past jobs had been more sociable and I'd always preferred having a physical shop, but I knew online was the better way to make money. I was suddenly very isolated from the outside world. I’d go to the post office with my parcels and end up chatting to strangers and chewing anybody’s ear off that I got into a conversation with. It wasn’t so bad to begin with, after all it was winter and I loved hibernating with my cat Yoko and a fire! Over the winter months a relationship naturally started to develop with a friend of mine (who I’d actually tried pushing away ever since we met two years ago). So hibernating was even easier with someone else to chill with. But it wasn’t too long until I started to feel very dissatisfied.
As the weeks went on and I was still only working on my business and having no other job, I was starting to feel quite fed up. Slightly depressed even and then very anxious about my future. I was starting to feel lost, and unsure whether this was what really I wanted to do after all. I was feeling very ungrateful. After all, I was living in a lovely house, my business was doing well and I was with a very kind and caring guy. ‘What’s wrong with me?!’ I’d say to myself. I felt terrible and convinced myself I still had major issues. Was it my past still affecting me and making me unhappy? One week was so bad, all I wanted to do was sleep so I didn’t have to think about it.
To an outsider nothing appeared to be wrong. My life had been so so much worse then this and I couldn’t bare feeling this way. My inner chat was getting out of control, too many thoughts, all driving me slightly mad. I couldn’t motivate myself to work and I seemed to lose interest in my business. My flight or fight mode kicked in and I wanted to travel again. Not a short trip this time but a very long one. My partner is quite different to me, he was far more settled, he had a good job, owned a house and was content with what he had. It must sound crazy to some people, wanting to leave what must have seemed a great home life, but even though it was a comfortable life, it was somehow also making me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve never had a relationship with a guy who’s been so respectful of me and considerate, he’s been the perfect partner in many ways. However, I was starting to feel anxious about my future, trapped and even suffocated! I felt I had no choice but to start seeing a psychotherapist. I was worried my past was still affecting my life, even though I thought I’d moved on. There was still something not quite right though and I needed some clarity.
Unbeknown to me, the universe delivered (as it always does), from an entirely different and unexpected place, and gave me the clarity I so desperately needed. Even on the auspicious week of the Scorpio full moon...
A while back I’d planned a trip to the border of Wales and Herefordshire. I moved it a week forward after seeing the weather was going be better that week. I cancelled all my work plans and Rob and I headed off. I’d found an amazing place to stay in Brilley, near the river Wye. In the grounds of a beautiful late 19th century Inn, was a wooden cabin. Daphne the lady who owned it had created many beautiful cosy sustainable living spaces - mainly out of wood, corrugated iron, recycled windows and any other useful random items she lay her hands on. When I arrived I felt an immediate sense of elation and all my worries suddenly disappeared. I instantly fell in love with the place.
The cabin I had chosen was called The Rising Sun. It had beautiful views overlooking the Brecon Beacon mountains. The structure was built from wood and recycled windows. Outside there was a veranda, shower, toilet and best of all - a bath, underneath an oak tree. Inside was small and cosy, with a four poster bed, wood burner and a small gas hob. I was in absolute heaven. Chores that were dull and mundane back home, had became absolute pleasures within this more natural, simple way of living. I suddenly loved cooking again and I could have washed in the outdoor bath and shower for hours. I’d wake up with a huge smile on my face, excited to make some coffee on the gas hob and sit on the veranda looking out to the beautiful lush, hilly green Welsh countryside. After exploring the surrounding area, a soak in the bath out on the deck was the best feeling. I’d lay in it looking up at the old giant Oak tree (one of my favourite trees), and feel a huge sense of relief and even euphoria. I REALLY needed this I thought. I was being replenished and rejuvenated. Nature has always been the best therapy in my opinion. I realised I needed to reconnect to nature way more then I was. I knew that after this trip something would have to change though. The odd trip away was never enough and I couldn’t go back to my normal, conventional life back in St Leonards. I wasn't sure how to change things and be happy again though.
On the forth day we took a hike around Mortimer Forest, about 50 minutes away from Brilley. My knees still weren’t great but I could manage a few miles, and just put up with a little pain after. The forest was mainly Pine, and they were my favourite woods to walk in. I like to feel small in nature. The towering fir trees certainly gave you that feeling of being insignificant and in awe of nature's beauty. As we were walking round, breathing in the fresh pine air and looking up at the giant firs, I remembered my days as a wildlife photography student.
After quitting a normal commercial photography degree in the first year as it wasn’t suited to me, I was excited to find that Lancashire University had a Wildlife photography degree course. It was the only one in Europe and so I applied despite not having high hopes of getting in. I only had my A Level work and some snaps from my trip to Australia and Canada. It was a small course, so I really wasn’t expecting to be accepted, but to my amazement I got a place. This was a dream for me. I’d collect lots of National Geographic magazines, dreaming about having my photographs featured one day. As a young child I was always watching wildlife programmes and playing in nature. I was such a huge animal lover. I remember finding a dead bird and burying it, or crying if I saw any living thing even as small as a butterfly die. My younger sister would kill insects so I used to throw worms at her for being mean!
I started the course and absolutely loved it. I was good at it too. I honestly didn’t think I was good at much. Being diagnosed with dyslexia at primary school, and not having it explained to me properly, meant I just thought I was thick. School didn’t help much either and I was labelled as stupid for being slower at learning then the other kids. I had to work extra hard at high school to get good GCSE grades, and so was bloody proud of myself after all my hard work and good results. Unfortunately the ‘thicko’ label stuck with me ever since, and I've never been able to shake it off. It wasn’t until I had another dyslexic test at Uni that I realised most creative people were dyslexic yet highly intelligent. My first year on the course was a breeze and I was acing most of my projects. The second year wasn’t too bad either, until I went to get my project grade back and saw my A mark had been crossed out and changed to a B. I asked my lecturer why this was, and he said my writing had let me down. I was gutted to say the least. I’d never been great at descriptive writing. My eyes started to well up and I explained how much this had upset me, and why I loved art so much because it was a way of expressing myself through pictures rather then words. It didn’t matter though. It was part of the course and I was going to have to be marked on my writing. I ended up quitting at the end of my second year, something I now regret. I didn’t know how I was going to write a 15000 word dissertation. I never had any confidence in my work, despite my good marks, and presumed I’d fail at being a wildlife photographer anyway so I might as well quit and try get a normal job.
So, back to the walk in the woods. It helped to remember I was once good at photography, and I also realised how much I now love to write. Despite thinking I was bad at writing it I'd always been doing it. When my sisters and I were kids, Mum used to make us write holiday diaries and I’ve carried on writing travel journals as an adult. I was always writing letters too. I actually communicate better in writing, and often wrote emails to boyfriends to explain my feelings because I was so bad expressing myself verbally. I’d never say I was amazing at it, I certainly couldn’t write a novel, but I can string a few words together and write passionately about what I love.
It was obvious thinking about it now.
I have a passion for nature, photography and writing, I'm an unconventional kind of person - a nomad who loves to travel and discover new places, people and experiences. Hmmm, what could i possibly do with my life that would make me happy? Cue light bulb moment! Be a travel writer and photographer! A job and a way of life that lets me do all the things I love, and while doing it, help others find some happiness too. I never thought I could crystallize all my passions into one dream job! Funnily enough I’d just posted photos of where I’d been staying on social media and written a little about it. I received so many likes and comments and even managed to get Daphnes a few bookings!
It had been the most wonderful short trip and I had got so much out of it. I’d reconnected with nature and realised the dream job I should pursue. It was sad leaving Daphne and her wonderful, natural paradise. I said goodbye and told her how much the trip had helped me - we were both a little teary! On the way home we drove to Symonds Yat and saw more stunning scenery. I started to feel anxious again. Even though I’d figured out what I wanted to do I realised that I needed to go do this on my own and leave my current life behind. I was so scared to have to explain this to Rob, not because I didn’t think he’d understand but because he was the first guy to really treat me well and with respect. He really believed in me, supported and helped me with anything I wanted to do. It seemed total madness to give him and my life back home up. My gut, heart and head were torn! But it wasn’t making me happy and I needed to be true to myself. I’d always struggled leading a conventional life and was never settled because of this. People would tell me I was running away from my problems and some of the time this may have been true, but I am a natural born nomad who needs to experience new things, meet new people, and explore new lands. I’d let myself slip back into normal society, somewhere I’ve never really felt like I belonged. But it was easier to do this and be unhappy than be brave and go for my dreams. Maybe I was scared of failing or maybe I just didn’t know how to make travel my life, and earn money from it.
The weekend I got back home I was still anxious, despite being so happy about my revelation. I felt so sad to be away from the wonderful place we had just been. A feeling I often felt after a trip away - people would say "Aww, its just the holidays blues. It will pass", but it never really did. I had to tell Rob how I was feeling. I felt such a bad person for telling someone who gave me everything, that it didn’t make me happy and that I didn’t want it anymore. I told him and his face just dropped. I could see this was a total surprise to him. He did however, understand. He knew me so well and knew the best thing to do was to set me free, (as cliche as that sounds). He was the first guy that helped me crack the tough exterior I’d build up over the years and my old layers from the past were finally starting to peel away. He got to see me for who I really was and the vulnerable person that was underneath all that armour. We both cried, and spent some time alone and then talked again. He said he completely understood and wanted to support me because he knew how much this meant to me and my happiness was the most important thing of all. I felt so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. Despite still feeling awful about my decision, I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders - I was very excited about my future again.
Since all this happened only a week ago, so much has already happened. My best mate Leon gave me a travel writer’s contact that he knew, so I sent her an email asking for her advice. She was so lovely and helpful, encouraging me to do what I love, she even gave me a travel news piece to write about that would be published on her website Globetrender. I couldn’t believe it, and was so excited to have my first ever written travel article published!! I was very nervous about writing it and kept putting it off at first. I didn't have long to write it so I had to just bite the bullet, write it and send it off. You can read it in the wellness section, www.globetrender.com
Journalistic travel writing isn’t really what I want to get into, or at least I don’t think so. I want to be an inspirational travel writer with the angle of well being and connecting to nature and write about places like Brilley Inn. Sustainable homes out in the wild, rather than city breaks and hotels. I’ve a few more ideas up my sleeve too but you’ll just have to follow my new travel blog to find out. Canopy and stars saw my photos on Instagram too and asked to use them and they are just the type of company Id like to write for. After having cancer I am a lot more health conscious and aware of not having too much unnecessary stress in my life. I think more and more of us are wanting a quieter, simpler life, especially with the pressures we have today from work, family, everyday life and even social media. A lot of us live through Instagram and Facebook - comparing ourselves and our lives with one another. I for one know it gets too much for me, add having an online vintage business, it becomes impossible to switch off. I don’t want to be one of these typical new Instagram influencer/travel bloggers you see though. You won’t see me looking picture perfect in front of hyper-real photoshopped temple or mountain, (maybe just a terrible selfie or the back of my head). The beauty of nature isn't in the perfect placement or over editing. I’ve always preferred to be behind the camera rather than in front. Even though I’ve done a little bit of modelling in the past, I've never been that comfortable with it or the focus on of how I look. I’m just another awkward shy human being who would rather be known for doing some good with what talents she may have.
Every part of me is telling me this is what I should be doing now. My gut, heart and now head are all conjoined. I guess my journey begins now, starting with a travel blog. My new blog will include more then just travel and where I've stayed. The well being theme and journey to happiness is important to me and so this will also be incorporated into it.
So here I end my cancer blog, and think its a great place to end it too. Its been nearly 11 years since my breast cancer diagnosis and I'm still cancer free. I believe with all my being that I will never get cancer again and will remain a healthy person, as long as I keep a balanced lifestyle. I still think my cancer was brought on by the emotional stresses and traumas that I didn't talk about and buried deep down, which then created an acidic environment in my body. Pile on top the bad vegetarian diet, alcohol and possibly even the Pill for 11 years, then my body had the perfect environment for cancer to thrive. I will try and lead more of a balanced life now in everything that I do (even though I do struggle with this at times). Stress is the biggest killer of all and although completely unavoidable it is avoidable to a certain degree. Its your life after all, and its up to you how you choose to live it.
To carry on following my journey in life then please go to forestelftravels.com where you can follow me.
Im asking very kindly for any help people can give towards helping me realise my dream
https://www.gofundme.com/travel-writing-career-dream&rcid=r01-15593183982-3433d3c8b8964032&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w
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