The dark cloud has lifted.....

....from above my head and I am feeling much better this week. I did not end up going to Glastonbury unfortunately but had a lovely weekend with my best friend. We spoke about a lot of things that were bothering me and and he helped me to make sense of them all. I feel I know what to do to carry on with my future in a positive and painless way. Knowing is the easy part though, its the doing thats the hardest bit. I defiantly need to draw in my energy for a while so that I can recover fully.

The weather was beautiful at the weekend and I made the most of it by going on walks. I went to Pittsford reservoir with my sister on Friday, Thornton reservoir on Saturday and Pittsford again on the Sunday. I had never been to Thornton reservoir before, its beautiful. I didn't feel like I was in Leicestershire, I could have easily been abroad. I really really enjoyed getting out and walking, especially by some water too. I love water and really miss living by the sea. I always found the sea so therapeutic. I could sit there for hours looking out at the ocean, all my troubles and worries disappearing.

My friend Lucy who I went to Uni with came down last week and took some photos of me. I thought it would be a good idea because I had been feeling so crap about myself. I also needed some photos to give the modeling agency. It was perhaps a bit too soon as I was not feeling good about myself last week and I think it shows in the photos. I did not feel as relaxed as the last time we did a shoot together. I was pleased with some of the photos though. We were both a little frustrated because I was not able to relax and Lucy was not enjoying using her digital camera after using medium format. We made the most of it though and had a fun day. I enjoyed the shoot in the cemetery especially.






So, yesterday I saw my oncologist and we talked about the radiotherapy and got a tattoo on my chest. I say tattoo, it was just some permanent dots on my chest so that they know where to place the machine each time. Thats probably as close as I'll ever get to a getting a tattoo. Radiotherapy begins on the 14th April, everyday for 3 weeks. I decided against having it under my arm. I feel this was the right decision to make. I am sure most women would have taken the risk but I do feel my cancer has gone and will never return. I also started Tamoxifen last night. I will be taking this pill everyday for 5 years. It puts you into an early menopause, although I think its already started from my periods stopping from the chemo. I am already getting mild hot flushes.

I have my radio interview tomorrow at the hospital and will be interviewed what its like having chemo. I also have my interview for Mywardrobe.com with Caryn Franklin which I am quite nervous about!

I have got a few trips sorted in the next 2 months. I am off to see a friend of mine in Oxfordshire this weekend, off to Cornwall for a week on the 3rd April and going to Spain with a friend after my radiotherapy. Cornwall is going to be amazing, we have booked a little cottage in Sennen. Its on a hill overlooking the beach, it looks like pure heaven!! Unfortunately it looks like California will have to be put on hold for the time being. Next year defiantly!

I have also decided to move back to Brighton for the summer. I miss it so much and did not really get to enjoy my short time down there last year. I will deserve a bit of fun and want to be near my friends down there again. If I get into college up here in Leicester it will be a nice little break for me before I start.

So, I have lots to look forward to. Once the radiotherapy is over I can finally get my life back!!